Contemplating the End of (This) Vida

So...here we are 5 1/2 months since my last non-post, many more months since my last real one. And I think it's time I admit that the end may have arrived for this manifestation of my vida de palabras. It is possible I will revive it at some point, but it's just as possible I won't. I have almost begun a new blog--I say "almost" because (1) I've barely written anything there either, and (2) no one but me has ever even seen it (i.e., I've not revealed the address to anyone)--and it may become what this blog once was, but time will tell. Time, indeed, is much of the problem. The split and the beginning of my daily Change AR blogging together drastically changed my life, my daily schedule, my lifestyle, and my stress levels. And time for personal blogging, which is something I so loved and which was good for me, is harder to come by now.

I may soon change the privacy settings on this blog so that only those who request, via e-mail or comment here (if anyone's even still checking in here), to still be able to see it will be added as readers. And I may not.

As I first mentioned five months ago, because of the way my writing has become very public elsewhere, I am sometimes anxious about the fact that searches for my name easily lead here. The idea of well-meaning or casually curious strangers browsing through doesn't bother me, but the idea of certain sorts of other people trolling through the years of posts here, some of them revealing or raw, makes me uncomfortable. That said, at still other times, I don't really give a damn; it's not like I've ever gone into extraordinarily embarrassing details about my personal life or as if I have anything to be ashamed of.

So all this rambling is to say that, apparently, I still don't know what I'll do with this blog. It feels like a friend. It documents moments and revelations and experiences that have meant a great deal to me, that are a part of who I am and how I've become who I am. It was often the space where I wrote, in meandering fashion, about things I couldn't articulate out loud. And it is the only space where I've written about the aching story of what happened to Lillian and my Grandma Sellers; I've recorded family history, some of it sweet and some of it quite painful, here. And so saying goodbye to this blog is a complicated notion and not something I'm certain I can--or want to--do.

As for the new space, I'm also not sure that I want to link to it openly from here, for various reasons, including the ones just mentioned. So I ask that those who wish to move with me there when I open it to eyes other than mine e-mail me for the URL. Most of the people who ever did read this blog know how to reach me, but anyone who doesn't have my direct e-mail address can reach me via this form; I don't expect to need to decline to send the address to anyone, but I do hope that anyone who used to read along but who never contacted me and whom I don't know will understand if I don't immediately send the address--if I ask a few questions first.